Guide to Forgiveness
How to Forgive
Let go of the past
How to Love Again
Nothing changes more consistently than how you remember your past.
The way you remember the past changes every time you remember it!
We tend to remember the past based on how we are today. We measure it with how we are reacting to things.
We leave out information or add information based on what we require in the moment from our past.
To have a new future, better you in the future, you must understand forgiveness!
You must let yourself build ever bigger muscles around this very important gift.
78% of what we believe is untrue.
98% of our thoughts are automatic and for most of us, they are mostly negative.
Our negative thoughts and experiences are designed to protect us from perceived threats.
Most of our past and what needs to be forgiven is a story.
We are only conscious of about 2% of our thoughts. Unless you are doing what you are doing now! Building new thoughts, beliefs, and ideas.
Basically, for most humans, there is a great deal of information being processed incorrectly and unconsciously. You work on yourself and understanding forgiveness can help you experience the moment more accurately and with more possibilities for a brilliant solution!
I have had to do a lot of Forgiveness work! At one point in my life, I would have done anything for us not to talk about the past because I hadn’t done the true work of forgiving the past.
Instead, I was reliving or suppressing it. Every night when others would sleep, I would have night terror and stay awake studying. Other times, I was working late night shifts, drinking, or dancing the night away so I didn’t have to remember or process the pain. I was a work-a-holic that when not working a celebration specialist! Any reason not to sleep or any reason not to actually feel my feelings. At one point in my journey, I felt God nudging me to spend time with Greg Larsen. A spiritual teacher and life coach, who taught being in the moment.
Let me start at the beginning before I knew “how to be in the moment”, “How to forgive” or “How to love again”!
I come from a very abused background. Born in Pakistan, I was beaten often. Actually, just as my parents were by their parents. We immigrated to the US and I just wanted to be loved, not hit, and time with my parents. I was working in Flee markets at age 8 as an immigrant child, in school. My brother and Sister were smart and they got what they wanted. I would take the blame or the extra work to be with my Mom or Dad. I had a learning disorder today we called dyslexia. Back then, I was desperate for love and approval. Dyslexia, attention-seeking behavior, and speaking was a reason for beatings and cheating in school.
I was married in an arranged marriage at age 14, to a 28-year-old Doctor who was as Pakistani as they come. (My mom had been married at age 13.) The good doctor did everything by the rules and was the top of his class. His wife, (me) pretty, naive novice idiot in his book and disobedient. Beatings, torture, and control. My life went from bad to worse.
Broken. I returned to school. Ninth grade, I stopped sleeping after the first rape experience. I don’t remember exactly when the eating disorder began. Junior year, in High School, I remember the first cigarette with American friends to fit in, suppress what was really going on at home.
Tortured, beaten and finally left for dead at age 19. In multiple, Near Death Experiences, I learned about God, my part in co-creating the situations I was being abused in. In these near Death experiences, I was learning God has got everything, there are no mistakes per se. Everything is “Nature correcting itself”! I understood, the forming of my spirit by fire. I asked my older brother for help. I asked everyone I could to help me. No one could. I made big promises to God if given the privilege of living. If I survived and escaped my situation I would help the world. Big promises and big dreams, and a moment in time saved me!
Promises to help girls like me. Promises to be brave in the face of greatest challenges. Promises to serve as a doctor in the poorest places in the world! To follow the 10 commandments. To speak to the Angels sent to me. Become my version of Mother Teresa. I survived the Honor Killing. I survived and was given back to my parents. Mad and sad parents.
I worked 3 jobs in undergrad college. I helped my sister and younger brother get through school too until I left for Medical School in India. My mom and dad helped me become a doctor by paying tuition for college and medical school. I worked in their stores too. God Blessed them in every way! They have had a hard parenting role with me.I blamed them and I wanted them to love me as they loved my siblings. I was not easy once I was afraid, broken, and desperate for their approval.
I know now, that chasing love from your parent or peers, chasing approval is like chasing a storm. It will never fully be in your grasp. It is trying to perfect something outside of your control, anyone’s control. It could be a belief that you need to be perfect in order to be acceptable!
Perfectionism is a survival tool. Making promises to yourself and God is a growing tool! I became a doctor.
I helped the poorest in the world that non-government agencies helped me work with as a doctor.
I finally met and married Greg, my current husband. I began to heal, forgive, and embrace my whole self, healed, in service to our world self!)
Being more understanding and compassionate about the way we process allows for more space to release a lot of negative habits and shift toward more positive ones. I had a bad habit of self-sabotage, extreme self-deprecation, and low-self-esteem. Today I no longer have an eating disorder, sleeping disorders, and I receive compliments well!
You are more available for Self-Affirming Experiences When You Forgive
You have 4 billion bits of information that come into your “space” at any given moment, but you only have the mental ability to process 2000 bits.
So you “cancel” so much information that is available to you based on what you allow yourself to perceive.
Critical Thinking is a powerful tool that helps people let go of false beliefs and come to conclusions in truth. A healthy skepticism will help you work toward truth. Develop your skills of discernment.
It takes 10,000 hours of doing something to become an expert at it. All of us, as adults have spent 10,000 hours thinking about something. Our past we have spent so many hours processing.
How much of it is along the lines of – What hurts me? How do I protect myself? vs. How do I expand the joy in my life? When you learn to forgive, you expand joy in your life!
We are creating our realities with what we spend our time focusing on. Our heart projects information 16 feet out in all directions from us informing the universe what we’ve ‘decided’ to see/have/experience.
Recognize that whatever you value has value!
“This is a love story!” is how Kimberly Yates begins this talk.
She continues, ” it’s a little non-traditional and very messy quite circuitous but ultimately beautiful and full of mystery. And I got to tell you I don’t do too well with mystery. ”
She also shares,
seeing him for what he really is, ‘a capable person who’s in charge of his actions who does wrong things sometimes’.
Kimberly Yates is an actress and director. Some of her favorite projects include the LA Premiere of Elizabeth Meriwether’s The Mistakes Madeline Made (Beth), Richmond Shakespeare Festival: As You Like It (Celia), King Lear (Goneril), A Midsummer Night’s Dream (Helena), and on film—Relatively Speaking (opposite Jim Parsons). She is the Artistic Director of Moxie Street Picture Shows and a proud member of the Theatre of Note.
The world is hungry for what you have to share. There is an audience for your forms of thinking.
The universe is unconditionally evolving and everything that arises is here for a reason.
It is a miracle that we have enough food and that we live with such access to so much…
When you hold on to what somebody else said or did, it is a way of holding yourself back from your potential or greatness.
Part of that holding back was taught to you and part is you holding back because the whole world has it and
when you heal it for yourself you open a greater space for healing it for the world.
This space grows larger and stronger exponentially as more people heal it.
When you’re in a space of not feeling that you’re in flow or grace, stop and ask yourself ‘What is bothering me?’
‘Why am I so upset?’ ‘Whom or what do I need to forgive or accept?’
Part of what we need to forgive is that humanity is vulnerable, can hurt or be hurt.
Forgive yourself for losing sight of yourself. You are co-creating every moment!
This body can regenerate itself with every thought and every breath.
The 4 steps of forgiveness:
1. Feel/express the hurt. (You do this with you or with someone trained to help you!)
2. Name the offense. (Own what you wanted to happen, own your own expectations, and own your feelings!)
3. Establish new trust -reconfigure expectations/agreements (You are amazing, because you can create whatever you want to happen! Miracle Maker)
Reestablish trust with yourself and what you consider the Universe, God, and Goodness!
4. Let it go -breathing exercise (Your body has a memory of the event! Doing exercises to let go and release the trauma and drama!)
Ho‘oponopono can help anyone Heal
Ho‘oponopono, the Hawaiian forgiveness process, allows us to cut the aka connection (essentially clearing out preconceptions in how we view others) to create new connections and rejuvenated relationships. In Huna, the ancient Hawaiian discipline of energy and healing, the ho‘oponopono process is essential if we want to be pono (right and congruent with ourselves). This makes sense. After all, how can anyone feel good about themselves and their own life when they walk around stewing over how they been wronged?
This Doctor Healed An Entire Ward Of Mentally ill Criminals With One Simple Mantra
He recognized that in this environment of pain, and terrorizing fear that it was his responsibility to heal the part in him that was reflected into those around him, the inmates. He actually took more than responsibility for his healing, he took responsibility for the pain, trauma and fear of the patients in the ward.
A very important distinction needs to be made here. Ho’oponopono teaches that it is, in fact, your responsibility but that it is not your fault. This is a key difference in the healing process. Your responsibility means that you need to address it. Your fault means that you caused it. Taking up responsibility is the first step in healing any trauma you hold. Holding onto fault and blaming yourself is what most people tend to do.
With this knowledge, Dr. Stanley Hew Len practiced what is known as remote healing utilizing ho’oponopono. He would come to work in a cheerful mood and ask for patient files and sit in his office most of the day.
The Ho’oponopono Mantra is Simple…
I Love You, I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You.
The mantra is a prayer as Dr. Hew Len explains that it is your conscious and subconscious mind communicating with each other, to create healing and synergy between your past and your now, your inner child and your parent. The mother represents the conscious mind and the child represents the subconscious mind. Through Ho’oponopono you’re acknowledging your inner child (subsconscious) with your “mother mind” also known as your conscious mind and applying the simple Mantra above to help heal your inner child.
Ask self what belief within me formed the experience and surrender to the answers. Picture your perfect peace.
Close your eyes, connect to your inner-self and invite the part of yourself that is ready for forgiveness and to change perspective to come forward and share whatever it has to express.
Let yourself forgive.
Why I choose to Forgive
Forgiveness allows you to become the highest version of a human being you can achieve.
Most of our blocks and issues stem from not forgiving in some way or another.
Forgiving is letting go.
When we walk around with any form of blame, shame, resentment, anger or other withholding judgment it is like pushing down on a part of our energy system. Energy, however, needs to express itself and pushes out wherever it finds a way. This can lead to many different illnesses or ailments.
Forgiving allows energy to flow again which restores health and our natural balance.
To forgive is an act of love for yourself.
It is to surrender all feelings of revenge, repayment, retaliation, or the desire to pardon.
Forgiveness is not about allowing dishonesty, or violence.
It is about equanimity with life.
Meaning: mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.
It is possible to understand a truly painful event as something happening “for” you rather than to you.
Being able to forgive begins with understanding “BLAME”.
Blame is giving emotional power over to something outside yourself so you don’t have to fully face/acknowledge it.
It is giving up responsibility for your emotions.
The second you blame someone/thing, you are giving up power to the target of your blame.
Blaming means you see the other as stronger and more capable than you!
You never truly blame a child or someone you think is weaker than you!
When you think someone could have been something other than what they were, you create resentment inside yourself!
Resentment is about re-creating a negative feeling. It is like re-sending what is not meant to you back out into the universe.
Keeping resentment interferes with moving forward or toward anything new.
There is a benefit for any resentment or blame.
It is displaced pain.
You are completely responsible for all of your experiences of emotion.
Forgiveness releases locked up energy in your body and the cords that connect to the source of their formation.
As you let go, space opens up inside and is filled with the next energetic level for you to work on.
I have a remarkable process I do in sessions that get you through this process quickly!
Dr. Sarah
P.S.
Here are a few more processes to help you
GET IN TOUCH WITH THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS
1. Set Aside an Hour to do this work
2. Make a list of everyone who has ever harmed, betrayed, or hurt you in any way.
3. Bring those instances to mind with the intention of forgiving each one.
Your willingness to do this work is amazing.
You are amazing!
Thank you for doing this work!
With each ‘injury’ we forgive, we open that space of forgiveness for all others.
Sit with the image of whatever felt wrong to you and breathe through the image sending the wound to/through the heart. As you breathe through you will naturally begin to release/forgive.
If you react to situations in the present through the eyes of your past, you will repeat your experiences of suffering.
Real forgiveness is unconditional.
Sometimes we hold on to something out of fear of moving on.
It is actually a great gift to work through an uncomfortable situation.
If something is making you uncomfortable, it is a part of being on the growing edge of your learning/growing.
When you commit fully to working through your discomfort, you become energized by the truth of your efforts.
The Heart-Math process for healing:
When you notice that you are thinking of a situation that is holding you, breathe that into your heart – set it ablaze with the fire of love naturally residing in your heart chakra. Tune in as fully as you can to the feeling space of that pain as well as the thoughts associated to it and as you breathe in you give it to the fire. As you breathe out, tune into what you would like to feel- whether its peace, stillness, love, joy, connectedness to people, forgiveness, release…
Repeat this process over and over, until it dissolves. This letting go of the charge also allows you to let go of the bond/cord connecting you to the energy that upset you.
Tip: You can say welcome (or yes) to the discomfort over and over to help you move through it without it looping or over-engaging your mind.
All healing and suffering are about perspective. Breathing through your pain allows you to let go of the views you attached to the experience that brought forward the pain and either shifts them to positive ones or dissolves them to neutral.
There are many personalities in your head with different roles. Sometimes when you make a promise to do something, it can’t be carried out until another part of you has shifted into alignment with the act. These different parts of you don’t necessarily communicate with each other, hence you have to create an exploratory space using critical thinking, self-awareness, and your heart to find a solution. There are several different thinking parts of the brain. Some feel more emotion and some are more logical and unattached.
A part of you is tuned in to melting in with everything and being connected to all, and there’s a part of your brain that is tuned into being very individual. When you let go of ‘stories’ you’re holding on to, more of your brain becomes accessible to you.
When you’re holding down a feeling, you are not allowing that note to be played and it finds a way to come out skewed and interferes with other parts of our brain.
Ask these questions to yourself about what you believe (in the moment). Write them down.
What do I believe about myself? Right now at this time? -This is what you’re aware of about yourself right now.
What do I believe about the world? -This is part of the unconscious blocks or bridges you have about connecting to Source/forgiveness.
What do I believe about …a person/others, situation? -This is part of what you created to let go of.
What we believe about things is the truth about us because what we believe is our truth.
We are all a healing presence on earth, and by letting go of the beliefs we’re holding on to, we allow ourselves to connect to our purpose(s).
What you have, no one else has. You have a unique frequency that can make miracles!
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